Tag: overcoming fear

pause. notice. experience.

I’m inside my two-week notice period at my current job that I’ve held for nearly six years. I’m wooohoooo and eeeeeeek all at the same time. Counting down the days, yet savoring each one.

I’m also noticing a lot of internal observation about how I’m handling this transition. While I have one foot in the unknown adventure ahead, the rest of me is hanging back in familiar territory, reminiscing about all the good times and wearing rose-colored glasses, finding every excuse to categorize this new, exciting time as a scary place with just too much incalculable risk.

Lately, I’ve been unfairly comparing how I’m handling the situation to how I believe others would approach this time. Telling myself that it’s no big deal and that others would approach this unknown territory with more grace, more comfort, more confidence, and less anxiety, sleepless nights and what-ifs. I mean, isn’t this what I wanted? Yep. Haven’t I been praying for direction and that just right opportunity to come my way? Yep. And isn’t this the kind of opportunity worth moving my family, saying goodbye to friends and colleagues, and stepping out into a brave, new world where this particular girl has never gone before? Yep. And now … here it is, the opportunity of my life, checking all the boxes I wanted, and I’m greeting it with excitement, sure, but also a big ol’ heaping of fear.

So, I’m taking steps to learn to give myself a break and stop comparing my experience to other people and their response to situations I know nothing about. I am not those people. I’m me, responding the way I am responding, and that is okay. It’s more than okay. It’s exactly as it should be.

And by the way, those mixed emotions I’m feeling? Those are part of the human condition and completely natural. There is a wealth of experience to be had in good times, bad times and these awkward in-between times, and I don’t want to miss any of it sitting over here on the sidelines, awhirl in a flurry of thought.

Whatever “change” looks like now or down the road, I know that recognizing we’re afraid and calling fear by name rather than getting swept up in its powerful flow – well, that’s the first step toward weakening its chokehold on happiness.

So, starting right now, I choose to pause, notice and experience this day, this moment and this time of transition. And when I do look back on it from some future point in time, I hope I’ll see a younger version of myself who made a brave choice that led to fulfillment, growth and, yes, that sweetest emotion of all … happiness. Now that’s a very brave choice, indeed.

what about change gets us so freaked out?

On one hand, we tell ourselves that we’re spontaneous and welcome the unexpected – well, to a certain degree anyway. I mean, let’s not go crazy. Yet, inevitably, when change arrives, beckoning us to step out and grow forward, we retreat into a vicious cycle of fear and failure predictions even before the very first step in our new direction.

We undercut our potential success with negative self-talk and imaginings of worst-case scenarios, somehow believing that they will happen the moment we lay down our fears and step out in confidence.

My internal drama ensemble is quite the cast of characters, and they visit often to do their tired, worn-out play. Yet, no matter how many times I’ve seen their song and dance, I keep buying tickets to the same show expecting a different ending. See if this sounds familiar.

Something good happens. You’re thrilled. Ecstatic even. But then almost immediately, the thought that things are too good to be true, or at least too good to last, knocks on the door and suddenly sucks all the air out of the room, leaving no room for optimism. My version typically goes something like this.

“Hey you with the big goals and dreams of change and adventure… Just so you know, the moment you stop being scared and step out into the unknown, those vivid what-ifs that you just practiced in your mind? Yeah, that’s just the half of it. Do yourself a favor and skip the whole thing. Stay here in the comfortable and familiar. You’re safe. You’re happy. This is as good as it’s going to get. Why do you want to throw it all away now? Easy… That’s it … Keep backing away slowly.”

And then we retreat into a false sense of security, refusing to budge. Somehow believing that we 1) had a choice, and 2) certainly made the right one.

Yet, in truth, change never waits for our permission to do its work. No matter how hard we push back or how cleverly we hide in hopes of stumping change, it yells ready-or-not-here-I-come every time, sniffs us out and propels us forward, regardless of how deeply we dig in our heels.

We all know that, in reality, life is all about change. In effect, life IS change. We’ve experienced it all day, every day since day one. So, after all this time, why can’t don’t we just get on board, feel the wind in our hair, throw up our hands and enjoy the ride … oh, and by the way, save a lot of valuable energy, time, health, money and peace of mind along the way?

I truly believe that every time we make even an inch of progress in overcoming the fear monsters, we weaken them and increase our own strength.

I once asked my SCUBA instructor what I should do if I saw a shark while diving. He told me that the best thing to do is to remain calm because sharks sense fear. Then he said IF a shark should become too curious and verge on aggression, the best thing to do as a diver is to – are you ready for this? – Swim. Toward. The Shark.

That blew me away.

What a powerful analogy for facing our fears. When fear gets too close, too curious, and tries to send us swimming for shore, the best thing we can do is look it in the eye, swim toward it, and watch it scurry into the deep.

I believe that’s how we do it; how we, once and for all, kick fear to the curb. Little by little, one day at a time. And one day soon, the fear monsters will give it up and swim out of sight for good. Then, we will surface the victors, feel the sun on our faces, and welcome the possibilities.